Inside the Deleted Scenes
By the author of an unpublished non-fiction book about love (sex, fine!)
SEX, ART AND UTTER CHAOS!
In December 2003, I created a zine, three copies each slightly different than the rest, for three lads I used to chill with. It featured quotes from Anais Nin and Henry Miller, written around photos of hot blondes, some famous, some not so much. It was personal, partly because of the chosen excerpts, illuminating things about myself through the words of others, partly because I was making it for people I liked, illuminating things about them or how I perceived them. I’ll never see it again, or try to recreate it for the digital age, but it was my first foray writing for an “audience.”
During this time, at the height of my lustful decadence, I began to look at culture as more than just an audience, seeking ways to understand the meaning behind things, taking narratives apart to gain an appreciation of their different composite parts. What I discovered, first in music, which was the most easily accessible form, and later in films, books and beyond, I’d take to a group of friends that were at times more than that.
In Phillip’s or Stefan’s bedrooms, we’d listen to Black Lips, watch Bertolucci and pass around a bashed copy of Tropic of Cancer. Sometimes we’d talk about our love for things we perceived existing outside the dominant cultural sphere of influence, sometimes we’d dance, others we’d do nothing at all and laze about smoking in our shorts. My own private counterculture. It was the beginning of a lot for me. I fell in love with a number of artists that defined me, unapologetic pornographers like Anais Nin, Henry Miller, Jean Genet, Arthur Rimbaud, Pasolini, Christina Aguilera, all of whom had an impact on my life. They were obscene, they were unafraid and they FUCKED.
A LITERARY PORNOGRAPHER?!
I’ve thought about becoming a writer forever. I wrote a book over the summer, after which I resolved to either go for it or forever shut the fuck up. I’m worried about working without an editor, but I’m freeballing it with this one.
So, welcome to Inside, or Deleted Scenes, the substack from your not-so-fav ingenue, totes unqualified reviewer of books, films and beyond, deep from the trenches of Clapton, London, delivered straight to your inbox.
Not sure what direction this will develop in with time, but here’s what I am currently planning:
DELETED SCENES, a sort of memoir in fragments series about the previous decade in London told through books or films. UNDER EMBARGO, a column about life under the 2020 lockdowns with a twist. FINAL DRAFT, comprising random thoughts from tweets in the draft folder, gems like “What Mishima book should a fag start with?,” “I wonder whether Cat Marnell is also reading this insipid sex fiction book too rn.” and “Should I wear a cum-stained Sex Skateboards sweatshirt to this book launch?”
In 2015, I had an idea for a column to introduce unpublished writers in London, a mix of glamour (puke) and disenchantment (hot), out of our apartments, straight out of our beds, which will also come into play down the line, working title HOT MESS! Culture writing is endlessly going downhill (no, not in that Sky Ferreira way), so gonna sell out and also bring you COVERAGE CHECK, dissecting news from the cultural front once a month, in addition to more stand-alone features. Currently in the works: Books to read before going down on someone, Netflix after the chill: streaming films on your walk of shame and The best full frontals in online short fiction. Reviews, interviews and the odd essay may also make an appearance, if I choose not to give these to literary mags, so I can objectify authors properly (soz, sue me for pointing out you’re hot!). FYI it’s my mission to do a profile of Rob Doyle as good as Jay McInerney’s of Chloe Sevigney (New Yorker, 1994), so editors, commission me!
Who knows what this will be?
You could say this Substack’s purpose is similar to setting up a profile on hook-up apps: JUST FUN!
Send me your tips, thoughts, suggestions on what writers I should read and/or follow on twitter.